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Springer and the Pervasive Qualities of
Evil It was supposed to be a fun night out at the movies. I hadn't been out to see a film in a while, so I thought I'd start light with "The Waterboy." Then, standing in line for a ticket, I saw it - larger than life, all lit up and in full frightening color. Jerry Springer. I tried to turn around, but it was too late. I had already seen the giant poster for Jerry Springer's latest cry for the public's attention, "Ringmaster." The damage had been done, and I am still healing. Mind you, I'm not against mindless fun (I was there to see a film that featured, among other things, Henry Winkler's tattooed ass.) But certainly there is a threshold. Springer has set new standards for lobotomy as a form of entertainment. To call his talk show crap would be an insult to the digestive process. I'm aware that perhaps I'm taking Springer too seriously. Everyone (with the possible exception of his guests) seems to know the show's place on the entertainment food chain. And no one is mentioning the libidinous ex-mayor's name in the same sentence with the word Pulizter. Even Springer has admitted that he is just enjoying the ride. But that doesn't make the show's success any less irritating or mystifying. You wake up in the morning trying to be optimistic that the world is a wonderful place and that mankind has something special to offer in nature's beautiful realm. Then you grab a cup of coffee and sit down to watch some left handed midget albino lesbians wrestling in Jello or jilted girlfriends slapfighting. Guess the target audience here is people who find Howard Stern a little to stuffy and highbrow. I remember catching the Springer show when it was the lead-in for dead air on late night TV. He had white supremacists on talking about their point of view, sitting next to African-American community leaders. For a brief moment, I thought something enlightening might happen - that there might be a legitimate debate that would deepen both sides' understanding of the other point of view. It couldn't hurt to confront a white supremacist with the object of his hate and see how his position holds up. Like I said, I wake up optimistic. I went to bed sure that five out of seven seals had just broken, and with a Garth Brooks boxed set on the shelves and a second Spice Girls album in the works, it didn't look good for mankind. Apparently, Springer's people hung around Wal-Mart near the discount sheets with neckholes section and waited for someone they were sure Springer could best in an intellectual joust. They picked the guy oozing primordial sludge, dressed him up, and let him make an ass of himself while Jerry looked on solemnly and then berated the half-wit with self-righteous fury. The message? Jerry good. Racist bad. Well no shit, Jerry. I'm sure people all across the country are finally donating their signed portraits of Hitler to the Marge Schott Memorial Garage Sale and we'll never have problems with racism again. There was no useful debate - their was only a target. No matter how deserving the target was, there was no new ground broken and only more hate spewed. Since that show, Springer has moved from late night hell to daytime ratings heaven, and spawned merchandise from "Too Hot for TV" video tapes and Springer action figures. The racists show up again after every two coming out and "your girlfriend has a secret" episodes. And it seems like it's always the same guy - Grand Cyclops Squiggy with the slick black hair plans to annex Poland to his double-wide. It's insulting when the show gets anywhere near a real problem, especially one as divisive and pervasive as race relations. It would shock no one to assert that Springer exploits these problems with a shallow grudge match to attract the brain dead and people who linger at car wrecks. That means great ratings. People are eating it up. They're grabbing it like it was the last roll left at the buffet table. Like Mr. Creosote from Monty Python's "Meaning of Life," the bigger Springer gets, the more disgusting he gets. (And may I be the first to offer him a wafer thin mint?) My only hope for humanity is that people are merely browsing the freak show on their way to something more worthwhile. And I do realize an essay talking about the show is the equivalent of a cop at a murder scene shouting "Nothing to see here! Go home!" Everybody's going to look anyway. But, hopefully, the scene will get cleaned up and no one will ever remember having passed it. Then I can watch my stupid movie in peace and go home and read a book. -Nick |
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